Tuesday, July 14, 2015

And This Is What Healing Looks Like....

 And also what being 9 looks like!!!

9 years ago today this kiddo was born into a world of chaos and abuse. 2 years and 2 weeks later I would get to become his mom. We have been through hell and back kid but thankfully we are fighters and we have each other. Happy birthday little man!  your Mom, Dad and siblings love you so very much.


Sunday, July 5, 2015

A Glimpse Into What Trauma Looks Like.....

Our sweet little man will be 9 in 7 days. On the 25th I will have been his Mom for 7 years... He has had 7 years of love, and stability, and therapy....

 Last night his Dad thought it would be fun to let him light his very first firework. Little man has always loved fireworks.... Until last night.

We knew he had been burned while his mom was using drugs. He has to scars on his legs to prove it. Sisters had let us know she had dropped a hot meth pipe on him... I can't even let my brain go to what else happened to bring forth what happened last night.

So when you abuse and hurt a child, even one under the age of 2, they remember. Maybe their brain doesn't remember it enough to pull up the exact memory, but their body sure does. ( There is a fabulous book about this called "the body keeps the score "

So when his dad lit the lighter near him, you can see him pull back in complete fear.. This led to 30 minutes of shaking and sobbing and us reassuring him that he will never ever be hurt again by her.

We learned a lot this week in family therapy about little man and his sisters abuse... They are still working to heal, and probably will their entire life.. Why am I sharing. Several reasons.. One because I know MANY parents that have adopted deal with similar issues... You are not alone.. Your children are not alone... Two to educate. Do not think because a child is very young, a traumatic event will not affect them.. and Three.. Maybe a very angry part of me hopes she follows this blog and can see the HELL she put these babies through... I HIGHLY doubt she will ever take accountability, but maybe just maybe she will feel some slight remorse....

So today we move forward in love and protecting and we will find joy even in this part of the journey.....


Monday, June 29, 2015

Every Summer Has A Story PART 1 ( pic heavy )

We are almost a month in and despite the setbacks I mentioned in my last post we have had some great times, with many more to come!  So far our Summer story looks a little like this.

First stop... The Compassion tour. Very interesting, the kids really enjoyed it, and it brought on some fabulous discussions.

The on to a broken foot. But its doing much better now! 

Our 15 you dd being chosen for DeMolay sweetheart
( Its a youth organization of the Freemasons ) 
She always knew she would wear a crown one day lol 

Matching Henna, and a Fairie Festival

Sent two amazing teenagers off to pioneer trek

Visit to the zoo with cousins

Super awesome niece graduating from blind summer camp

Crazy days of ice cream and singing loudly in the car

Jobs Daughters International Rally Weekend!

Checking out new city splash pads

I pray everyone is having lots of joy in the summer journey. 


Wednesday, June 24, 2015

And a Month Later......

 I really am going to start blogging more.  FB is my blogs nemesis . It so easy to pop on and post a sentence or two. But I don't want to do that. I want to blog abut life, and reality of things that are ugly but can be used for good and the other million things that go through my head. .. So I am going to work harder...

This past month has been H.E.L.L.  Not going to sugar coat it ( Im not Willy Wonka lol )  Our severely mental ill child was kicked out of her residential treatment placement. She is so dangerous and violent they could not keep her or the other kids there safe... The police picked her up and she went into a juvenile facility. They gave us 14 days to find another placement for her or we were supposed to bring her home... Now read above again. She is so dangerous that a staffed, professional facility couldn't keep her, yet THEY WANTED US TO BRING HER HOME... I notified our state child protective service letting them know of the situation and that if we could not find another placement we would have to "refuse to parent". This is where parents are put between a rock and a hard place. You cannot find or afford a professional facility, but if they are in your home you risk being charged with failure to protect your other children if something happens... This system is so broken... So I spent every waking moment trying to get her in somewhere. 16... yep 16 places turned us down... Including the state mental hospital! Most places are not set up to deal with a child like her sadly.  So the day before our time was up, I held a meeting with the powers who be in the foster care adoption world.. They had no options for us.. They did suggest we give custody to her bio mom as a last resort... Ummm I WILL NOT send her back to ground zero for many many reasons. The main one because I want this child to receive all the help she can until she is an adult and can refuse it. I will fight to help her until I legally can no longer. Well by a miracle we got a placement literally the morning they were going to discharge her from Juvi.  So thankfully she is somewhere safe, in a set up where others are safe from her also... Did I mention she is 10.... yes TEN. Reactive attachment disorder sucks... just plain sucks.

So on to the rest of the month. 2 days after getting her into her new placement, Sassy miss and I were driving to her ballet lesson and BOOM, some girl slammed into the back of us while I sat at a red light. She was going 40 and didn't even touch her breaks.... She was texting..... Thankfully Sassy miss  was okay. I am still dealing with major pain in my back and shoulder where the seat belt was... Its getting better slowly... Did I mention I am a recovering addict of pain pills and muscle relaxers... So Im not taking anything which I am sure is making the healing time go by even slower....

It gets better!!! 2 days after that, Sassy miss broke her foot on a huge blow up slide, didn't say anything then went and danced on it for 2 hours at her recital.. Now thats dedication! Thankfully is a clean break and she is doing really well now.

Oh no Im not done! LOL A week after texty texterton slammed her mazda 3 into the back of us, I walk out of target after getting groceries and am like NO WAY. Did someone hit my car?! ( I was in in hubbys car in the other accident ) Oh why yes they did. They tried to leave but a good samaritan stopped her. While I called her insurance , her daughter shows up, and they start complaining about how long its taking me on the phone.... with their insurance... because she hit me..... I will just say there were many not Christlike moments during this interaction....

 But both cars are fixed as of today, sassy miss is starting to dance around the house once again, and her medical equipment we were able to purchase from a fundraiser has been a HUGE blessing, and life changing here. Darling miss is somewhere safe and getting help for her childhood trauma issues, and it is almost July <3 a="" forward="" looking="" month="" nbsp="" new="" p="" to="">
 I hope all of you are having a much more boring life, and finding joy in your journey,


Monday, May 25, 2015

Summer Lovin.....

Despite the rain and the chilly air we managed to squeeze some summer fun into this 3 day weekend.

We started off with the first trip of the year to our amazing local sno cone shack.

Then we worked as a family getting the yard all ready for summer fun! The kids found some tree stumps down the street someone had set out for bulk trash pic up so they promptly brought them home for and I have no doubt will find a million uses for them this summer.

Then after lots of hard work, we finished with our first trip of the year to our local pool, and then back home for a BBQ, and the first smores of the season <3 nbsp="" p="">

I pray you and yours will find lots of summer joy in your journey !

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

This Is The Place....

Is the name of one of our favorite places to spend the day.  It is a beautiful pioneer village and I love the feeling of going back to a much simpler time if even just for a few hours.

It is right down the street from the children's hospital so what better place to head after a morning of medical tests. ( 2 kids are missing from pics because they were at school )


Thursday, May 14, 2015

To My Child That Changed Everything .....

I know about being a Mom.
                                                    HAPPY BIRTHDAY COREY!!!

Corey was born 14 years ago today. White blond hair, bright blue eyes ( from parents with dark brown hair, and brown eyes LOL). He came screaming into this world, and continued to do so until he was about 4 years old. You see, Corey has autism. He was dx at 22 months. He said his 1st word, well words right before his 4th birthday. I will never forget it, and typing it now, still brings tears to my eyes. It was the day before Easter and we were having new carpet put in. All the furniture was in the driveway, and Corey loved to be rocked. Having such a disruption at our home was REALLY hard on him. So I sat with him in the rocking chair in the yard and sang to him. When I started singing "twinkle twinkle" he started to sing along, and sang the whole song with me. I wanted to shout from the rooftops, but I sat there and kept singing softly as tears ran down my face. Oh how far we have come from that day. Corey has progressed amazing amounts. He has friends, goes to cub scouts alone, and will talk your ear off about any of his favorite subjects. At Church if you cant find him, he will be sitting in the Chapel alone where the boys bless the sacrament, practicing the prayer to himself so he can be ready when he turns 16 :)  We have been so very blessed by so many therapist, and Doctors that have helped all of us along this journey.

Having a special needs child changes you. I had 4 other kids before Corey. I was the Mom who looked at other parents with screaming kids at the store and thought "What are you doing so wrong that your kid is such a brat" Heavenly Father must have known how much humbling I needed and sent me Corey. He is the child that not only humbled me, but taught me to see the amazing miracles in the smallest of things. There are so many things I will never take for granted anymore.

I am so blessed to be his Mom and to watch such a sweet amazing spirit grow up. Thank you Lord for your blessings and Happy Birthday Son.......