Fruit Salad Yummy Yummy

We are very blessed that not only does my husband have a job working for a non profit, But that it is a food bank and because of our household size gives us a food box every payday. Now when I say box, I dont mean like a little box with a few staples, Our trunk is full when we leave. We have a choice of a meat or pantry box. We dont eat meat so I of course get the pantry one. It includes mac and cheese, soups, cereal, tuna, beans, rice, and a few other staple items. Then we also get what they call bonus items. Which are 2 HUGE boxes full of different things each time. This time it was full of cheeze its, fruit snacks, and fresh fruit and veggies, and breads. I stuck most the breads in the freezer as they will last us all month. Then I cut up some of the fruit for snack for the kids. I thought it would last a day or 2. It was gone within an hour, and I didnt even get any :( Looks like I will have to make more for sure! It includes, Oranges, apples, pears, cantalope, honeydew, and peaches.

But with the cost of gas, and food rising this has been a huge blessing to us to be able to receive this bonus from hubbys job.

My Rockin Baby

So since I am tried of posting about just the daily dramas of one child I have decided to move on to something else. ( Today was awful with her BTW in case you were wondering. LOL)

Dh has a recording studio at our house. He records a lot of the kids from Church, and/or their bands, and also some of the adults also. He does it all for free just for the sheer love of doing it. It does also have a 9 to 5. The baby LOVES music. I walk by the studio ( It is on the way to the laundry room) just in time to see this! This is Paige playing daddys new bass, followed by Daddy helping her to play his guitar. We also have a drum kit in there but she wasnt interested in that today. ( also shown is the new puppies crate we keep in there since the room is soundproof.LOL)

She sure would make one cute band member!

Lets make a deal

LOL, well okay not really, but after a full night of sleep dd had a pretty good day. Well until 6 pm, then she refused to pick up the toys,and wanted to argue over it so I told her it was bedtime ( Bedtime is at 7 normally) So the she raged on her bed for 1 hour. Just plain screaming , then screaming out things she wants instead like this is "Lets make a deal" Here is your deal, you wouldnt pick up your toys, they are now put in a box in the garage for a week, and you get to go to bed an hour early and not watch a veggie tales video. Although I didnt say these things to her, I did to Dh though. The Drs all told me dont feed into her. So as she stood there telling me why she wasnt going to pick up the 3 toys on the floor,and put them away where they go which is like 2 feet away I told her in my soft monotone stepford wife voice as I led her to her room " Okay then I am sorry you dont want to put your toys away, and watch your video. It is time for bed then. Good night I love you." Then I shut the door. she was so not happy I wouldnt come back in and battle with her like normal, I went out in the backyard to hang laundry, Dh went into his recording studio where it is soundproof, and the other kids that were home went to the basement to play a video game LOUDLY. She passed out after an hour, and all was quite. So hopefully she will realize that our rules are the rules, and they are not up for discussion or bartering.

Oh how I love our ped!

I took new dd in there yesterday to get an referal to see neuro. We have been at this office for almost 15 years, but rarely get in to see my favorite Dr in the office. So in he comes, asks me what has been going on, Sits and talks to dd for a while, asks her some questions, then talks to me while he is still watching her out of the corner of his eye. Then proceds to tell me that he can totally see what I am talking about, and why she did not quaify for special needs pre school is beyond him.
YAY! I am not crazy. LOL They went through her colors, she knew about 1/2, then a few minute later did it again, she knew some, less then the 1st time, and not all the same ones. Then he did 'If the light is on, you turn it ???" Her response was "eggs" LOL, I am not sure what it meant but she yelled it out loudly. He also agree'd with me that meth does affect a growing brain, and of course she is not going to come away from that unscathed. He also gave her meds to help her sleep. Ahhhh YAY! Did I mention she sleeps like 4 hours a night.
So last night she slept about 9 and is oddly quite this morning. He also mentioned that her behavior might be worse due to lack of sleep. So we shall see how today goes. Pray for us :)

Adoption from foster care ( Our road)

This is the book they gave us when we adopted. What would have been more helpful is a book on what to do when your new 3 year old is raging so bad you have to put her in a port a crib so you can make sure she doesnt hurt herself or another one of your children. You know, what she is doing right now as I type this. Or perhaps what to do when you take her from Dr to Dr and they each just keep passing you along to the next person. Or perhaps what to do when you are so stressed out you develop constant panic attacks, and your so stressed out your marriage is shaking at it's very core. And even your respite care worker that you have had for 5 years doesnt want to watch her. And constantly asks " What is wrong with her?" Followed by your OT who you have had for 5 years that tells you once a week during her visit " Something is very wrong with her, and she needs help" Also said OT worker is a foster Mom. And you mention all these things to each Dr or intake worker, and they just refer you to someone else. Or my personal favorite, " There is no evidence that birth Mom smoking meth her ENTIRE pregnancy will cause any problems." Ya because you can see how it causes no damage to the one that smokes it.... And I am SURE that a developing fetus taking in that same thing, will have no problems. Ya right...
Now we took her knowing there may be some problems, even at the tender age of 2. We asked "all the right questions" everyone that has done this before asks. And were brushed off, and told how lucky we were since she was so young, and the problems we were seeing would just fix themselves as she "settled in" So over a year later, all the love, and attention, medical visits, and anything else a child needs, and it is worse. She is cruel to the other kids, she lies about everything, she has destroyed more things in my home then the other 6 children combined over 18 years. She throws these raging fits unlike anything I have ever seen for HOURS. One day it was from 8 til 4!
So if anyone has been through this, has any idea how I can help her, or let me know is there some kind of way to get the system to work, please let me know!

The simple things :)

I now have 3 pitchers. The pic above is my newest one. And my favorite. I have this huge plastic thing from pampered chef that was a gift. It is nice for parties and it has a thing that you can mix juice right in it. The 2nd is a beautiful glass pitcher that I love, except one night in a hurry with a housefull of unexpected guests I washed it with hot water then threw ice and cold water in it. Of course resulting in a crack in the bottom. It still works, and no leaks, but I know it is on borrowed time. What I really wanted was something I could mix one can of frozen juice in. I know that sounds funny given my family size, but at meals the kids can have one cup of juice of milk, then they have to drink water. Juice has a lot of sugar, and the need to drink water anyway since we live on the sun.
So Sat night was the "Daddy daughter princess ball" at Church. For girls 18 mo to 11 years. The 3 little girls have matching pink and black dresses from adoption day they havent worn since, so I planned on them wearing those. So Dh decided he wanted to wear a pink tie to match. Goodwill was having 1/2 off all day so he wanted to go by some and see if he could find one. After no luck at 2, we went by my favorite thrift store. No sales that day but they are really cheap anyways. While we are looking around dh reminds me that I have been mentioning a new pitcher. So we walk over to the housewares. Tons of plastic ones, and 1 beautiful glass one that is priced way to high for the store, and for me! LOL So as I go to walk away Dh spots this one behind some other stuff. It is the just like my canning jars I use to store things with in the kitchen, and I turn it around, and notice it has the normal canning jar measurements. It stops at 48 oz. THE SAME AMOUNT THAT A CAN OF FROZEN JUICE MAKES! So I was super excited, and even the cashier thought it was cool, and sorry she had missed it! LOL

So thats how a little 48 oz $2.00 pitcher made my day:)

Could it be possible that we have an answer?

(Pic from last summer at SeaWorld)

After yet antother intake interview at another mental health facility, I think we may hit on something! Our new precious daughter shows all the signs of being neglected as an infant. Which coming froma birth mother addicted to meth I can believe that. Also the Dr thinks that due to the in utero drug exposure she may have some brain damage. Which I can also see. For instance. For over year I have taught her. her colors. Still to this day she can not tell you what color something is. And for a little girl to not know what pink is! You know there is a problem :) She knows the words, she just cant match them to the correct colors. She also cannot grasp the concept of letters having meaning, or numbers. She has no sense of cause and effect. Everyday is like the same day over and over. She knows the rules, and gets in trouble for the same thing, yet her brain cant put the 2 together. So right now I am one angry Mommy. I am sure tomorrow I will be one sad Mommy. I am angry for the struggles she has and will have for someone elses poor choices, and angry that birth mom still insists she did nothing, and the state just stole her and gave her to me. Tomorrow I will be sad for the precious time that my daughter missed out on being loved by a Mommy, and again for all her struggles now, and future.....

Finally, and STUFF

It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else, that prevents us from living freely and nobly. --Thoreau

I finally got my stupid tooth fixed. You know the one that has hurt for months. Now it is weird to not be in pain. LOL It is amazing how we get used to something like that.

This week, well minus yesterday I have been dejunking, decluttering, de "stuffing". I am ashamed at the shear volume of trash I have sent to the landfill, but hopefully the stuff sent to the thrift store will help offset that amount in some way. Although I have been sorting and putting stuff in the recycle can, so that helps ease my mind. Sadly I still have A LOT of "stuff" to get rid of. It is a slow process, and truly hard on me as a certified pack rat to get rid of stuff. Even though I hate the stuff and want it gone. You know that "double edge sword" We have a large home. I thought I always wanted one. I actually really miss our little home. I loved having the kids near me at all times. I hate having to go look for them, wondering what they are playing, or doing. So I guess my lesson for today is, " Be careful for what you wish for you just might get it"

One Can Dream

( The picture is from a year ago. It is Corey at Mission Beach)
There is a blog I love. http://www.cagefreefamily.com/ I am sad when she doesnt update it daily because I look so forward to reading about what they have going on. They just gave away almost all of their belongings, bought a RV and are just hitting the open road. I would so love to do that. I feel trapped lately. Maybe it is becuase the housing market sucks and we cant sell our house right now if we tried. Maybe it is because people around me have changed a lot, and not for the better. Or maybe it is me that has changed. I grew up with a lot of "stuff" I still to this day have a lot of "stuff" I have come to hate "stuff" lately. I dont like the materialism I see come out of my children sometimes, I dont like having to care for the stuff. I dont like when people I know compare each others stuff. To me my most prized stuff is my time. The time I spend with my children, and my husband, the time I got to spend recently with my best friend and her family. Because even if all the stuff were to vanish I would still carry the memories we have created in my heart. No one can put a price on that, And nothing can take that away.

A very long and heartbreaking week

( The picture is of my baby Paige. I couldnt have got through the week without her help)

A week ago today at 1:30 pm my phone rang. I had been gone all morning, and had only popped in for 5 minutes to drop off groceries. In reality had my day gone as planned I shouldnt have been home at 1:30pm. But lucky for me God knows and made sure I was home for that phone call. I picked it up prepared to say something stupid as it was my best friend calling. Something inside me told me to just say hello. On the other end was not only my best friend, but the person I love like a sister. Her heart was shattered. Something unspeakable had happened in her family, and since she lives out of town, I stepped into her shoes to do whatever I could until she could get her. My husband and I drove to the hospital only to learn her most precious and amazing 26 yo brother had gone home to God. The hows, and whys are not important. What truly matters is this was a wonderful, SMART, loving, FUNNY, young man who left way to early. Wed night we gathered, and when I say we, I mean 100's of people to say Goodbye. Lots of wonderful things were said, and beautiful scriptures he had highlighted in his bible read, but a friend of his said something that will stick with me forever. " So many memories, yet not enough." How true this rings. And was a reminder to me to make the most of my time here on earth, and make those memories with my family and friends. A week later my heart is still fresh with pain for this loss. For his sister, and his Mom and Dad, and most of all for his beautiful little boy who will only be able to know of his father through pictures, and the stories we share. But I do know for sure, he will know how much his Daddy loved him. So anyone reading this, hug your friends and family tighter the next time you see them, and make sure they know how much you love them. Because “Celebrate we will for life is short but sweet for certain”

Rest in Peace Justin..........