Saturday, November 13, 2010

Sorry if this comes off rude...

I was reading a post by someone on a forum somewhere ( I read a few different places on a regular basis, so I don't remember where) But a women mentioned how tired she was of people telling her what a wonderful person she is for "taking in kids from foster care". I instantly identified with her, and went about my crappy day of cleaning out the shed LOL.

While I was doing this sucky fabulous chore ( trying to find joy everywhere)  I started to think about how often I hear this. Don't get me wrong, everyone loves to hear how wonderful they are. But honestly I don't think being a foster or adoptive Mom makes me super great. Having these kids in my life has blessed me in so many ways. They have taught me so many things, forced me to look at who I really am and why I do things that I do. They have shoved me off my own pedestal I built for myself, humbled me, and taught me that no matter how bad life gets, you get back up and keep trying. They have also taught me that your past does not define your future, and just how strong the maternal bond is even if we share no genetic link. ( Well in my case we do since they were kinship, but you get my point)

I also in no way feel like I "saved" these kids. ( I hear this a lot too) And I for sure don't think that they should be "grateful" to me. No child wants some stranger to come into the only life they know, and take them and maybe their siblings away from the only family they know and hand them over to a stranger. No matter how bad their birth Mom or parents are, they still love them and want to be with them. So they are for sure not going to feel grateful for anything. And I would certainly not expect them too.

I think that we have blessed each other more then words can express. We have given them a forever family, and they have made our family complete. A easy road it has not been, but I would not change this journey for anything in the world........


Connor said...

I didn't look at any of the bio info, I just read it, and I thought "This sounds like Mrs. Kelly."
No joke.
Out of the six BILLION people in the world, I read the first paragraph and knew who it wrote it.
Out of six billion people in the world, I picked out the one person who could have written this.
Mrs. Kelly, you are fabulous, and I admire you.
I wish every person, all six billion of us, could be as selfless and caring as you are.

Much love, awe, and admiration-
Connor McWhorter

Yammeh Pants! said...

I stumbled across your blog by chance... reading it brought me to tears. I was adopted... and it was not a positive journey for myself or my siblings... all these years I've often winced when someone professed to be a foster / adoptive parent. It has often seemed like foster parents thought they did 'me' a favor... and when you wrote, what you did, in this blog... I felt myself slump back into my pillow and I began to cry... FINALLY, a foster parent / adoptive parent that understands... we don't ask to be taken from the only family we've ever known and placed into the hands of a stranger... there is nothing more frightening for a child then to be placed in a strangers home, with no belongings of our own, new smells (yes, they matter), new space, new bedding, new people... these are memories that last for a life time. Thank you for your post. Tonight, you touched a strangers heart, softened perhaps her position on foster parents and showed 'me', that yes, in fact, some people do understand the bigger picture. Thank you for that. I am moved.

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

Thank you for your comment! I loved your post- yes it IS nice to hear, er, read about someone who understands. :)