So not my finest parenting moment :( A message to my daughters.

                                                     (Pic with the "boyfriends" LOL)


So the other day I log onto my facebook page and see an update from my 19 yo dd. It says something about on her way to put a hole in her face. She already has her tongue pierced which I just ignore. And the 20 yo has some weird chest piercing that I refer to as "your other nipples."  I am in the middle of sitting in on a speech therapy session with my 4 yo ds. I only need to be there so he doesnt make the poor speech lady cry, so I normally just sit with my laptop and pretend I am not really there unless he acts up. SoooooI ask my 16 yo ds to text his sister and see WTH she is doing. While I am doing this I also post "PLEASE DONT!!! WE HAVE FAMILY PICS ON THE 4TH!!!" on her FB page LOL.

He comes back to report that she is with her SISTER and they are both going. I am fuming mad at this point. All I can think is "didnt I teach them better, yada,yada,yada" So 16 yo ds texts back "MOM IS MAD!!!!!" They ask why.  This now in hindsight makes me laugh. At the moment it makes me more mad.

So I get the phone and call my oldest. She answers and without my filter on I say something HORRID. I didn't mean to, it just slipped out. I wont say what it was but it runs along the lines of referring to them as trash. UGH :(

Now before you say 'Wow lady your a jerk!" let me explain. I am not high and mighty as I may have just came off. My husband has full sleeve tattoos on both arms as well as several other tats. I at one time had my ears gaged as well as my husband. We have both had assorted piercings. As well as my husband had dreads and we both have had hair in asst colors. When the girls were teens and trying to "rebel" I told them they would be more shocking to us if they started dressing in Bermuda shorts and Abercrombie tops. Wearing all black just wasn't freaking us out LOL ( I know I suck the fun out of everything) But we are different now and realize "the error of our youth" LOL

But it has been stressful at my house lately. There has been a lot going on here... So I snapped.

It was awful, I was horrible, and in the end they didn't go through with it, ( 19 yo said she is on Dec 5th after family pics) I hurt their feelings, and I cried all night.

You see I have high standards for my kids, but I also love them unconditionally. And if at 19 and 20 they want to stick something in their body that can be removed at a later time, then so be it. They are still smart, beautiful, hard working, self supporting adults, and sometimes we just have to let them figure it out on their own.

So to Christian and Taylor, your Mother loves you even if you wanna set off the metal detectors with your face :)  ( I kid, I kid)

Dear Santa...

I found this today and thought I would share :)

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited their doctor's office more than my own doctor's, and sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmas', since had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a receipt, in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother", because my voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable?  It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and come in to dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM

P.S. One more thing ...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep my children young enough to believe in Santa.

What to do with all those holiday cards people send?

So I have this fabulous cousin named Amanda. She lives on the other side of the country from me which makes me sad, and I haven't seen her since 1989 which makes me even sadder. But thanks to technology I am able to keep in touch and see regular pictures and read stories of her and her beyond adorable twins.
You can see her blog here: Chasing Twins In Louboutins

Today she has a blog post about a wonderful idea for those Holiday cards. In her post she writes:

"When the holiday season passes, you put them together in a basket
or the like,

and every night at dinner with the family, you pick one card out and
say a prayer for that family, 

until all the cards are gone.

I thought it was a great way to get families involved in prayer,

but also showing your children to just care for others."

I absolutely love this idea. So I am stealing it for my blog and sharing it with all of you :)

I hope everyone has a wonderfully blessed Holiday season, and you find joy in all of your journeys!

(Even if that journey is fighting for deals on Black Friday!)

I hate mice

I just want it known :P .

I am a huge supporter of PETA, I am also vegan. Yet I hope these small furry devils die a thousand horrid deaths.

Why a random post about mice you ask? We just downsized to a smaller yet billion times better house in July. One of the lost spaces was the garage. We thought "Great, no place to store a bunch of junk we dont need" Which in theory is awesome!  Our old garage held so much crap I looked forward to not having to deal with that anymore. Except July in Phoenix is about 115 degrees. So sorting through the garage in a temp comparable to the sun, or hades just wasn't gonna work out. So I just had them put the boxes of crap in the storage shed in our new backyard until such time where I could go through them.

Well that time had come.... Dh is working today to help out with the big Thanksgiving turkey hand out at the food bank. So I thought "since he is working so hard today to help others, I will help him out by cleaning the shed"

So I put on my cute gloves, and get to work.  There is mice poop EVERYWHERE! So I think, "Well okay, so this is gonna force me to get rid of this junk" So I just start sifting through the boxes looking for pictures, important papers, or any keepsakes. My 16 yo ds is hauling boxes to the trash, and we are almost done. I am cursing the mice in my mind the whole time, but since I hadnt seen any I was still okay.

Well I get down to the last 4 boxes. Reach in to lift something up and A FREAKING MOUSE RUNS OUT  AND OVER MY FOOT!!!! I scream like I am in a horror movie, and a little girl. My son runs over yelling "What was that!?" So I'm freaking out, and yelling that" I am done and I hope your Dad gets home while it is still light outside!"

Meanwhile my sweet Schnauzer mix is going crazy trying to catch this little furry nightmare. I fling off my gloves, come inside, bleach myself and each chips and salsa to calm my nerves.

And then I come here to tell my horrible, scary tale :P

I would also like to mention we have NEVER EVER EVER had mice. I think it must be because the new house has a garden and fruit trees all over the back yard and the shed is right next to the garden.

But whatever the reason, the little yellow car that looks like a mouse will be pulling up here next week spraying its murder venom all over that shed!

Change in plans

I logged in to post some long rambling post about something that was on my heart today, but I stopped to 1st read a amazing friends blog. Her sons have some major health things going on. This is a family that you are always in awe of. The family that seems to have it all together. The parents are so sweet, and caring, the their sons are adorable, funny, and kind. The type of kids you want your kids to be friends with. My heart is breaking over their trials, and my other post seems pretty trivial right now.

I would be grateful if you could keep this family in your prayers. It is not my right to post their personal info, but I know Heavenly Father knows all of us by name, and I know he knows who our prayers are for even if sometimes we dont....

Family Motto

We decided to have a "Family Motto". Something that says who we are and what our family is all about. I have 2 personal mottos. 1 is "Strength isn't something you have, it's something you find" which is self explanatory and "No empty chairs" which I will explain another day :) I printed it out, framed it in one of my favorite frames, and hung it by our dining room table where we can always see it and be reminded. Our family one is...

The ........ Family is..

Always honest

We count our blessings

We bare each other’s burdens

We forgive and forget

We are kind and tender hearted

We comfort one another

We keep our promises

We support one another

We are true to each other

We look after each other

And we treat each other with respect

But most important

The ........’s

LOVE ONE ANOTHER Deeply from the heart

Sorry if this comes off rude...

I was reading a post by someone on a forum somewhere ( I read a few different places on a regular basis, so I don't remember where) But a women mentioned how tired she was of people telling her what a wonderful person she is for "taking in kids from foster care". I instantly identified with her, and went about my crappy day of cleaning out the shed LOL.

While I was doing this sucky fabulous chore ( trying to find joy everywhere)  I started to think about how often I hear this. Don't get me wrong, everyone loves to hear how wonderful they are. But honestly I don't think being a foster or adoptive Mom makes me super great. Having these kids in my life has blessed me in so many ways. They have taught me so many things, forced me to look at who I really am and why I do things that I do. They have shoved me off my own pedestal I built for myself, humbled me, and taught me that no matter how bad life gets, you get back up and keep trying. They have also taught me that your past does not define your future, and just how strong the maternal bond is even if we share no genetic link. ( Well in my case we do since they were kinship, but you get my point)

I also in no way feel like I "saved" these kids. ( I hear this a lot too) And I for sure don't think that they should be "grateful" to me. No child wants some stranger to come into the only life they know, and take them and maybe their siblings away from the only family they know and hand them over to a stranger. No matter how bad their birth Mom or parents are, they still love them and want to be with them. So they are for sure not going to feel grateful for anything. And I would certainly not expect them too.

I think that we have blessed each other more then words can express. We have given them a forever family, and they have made our family complete. A easy road it has not been, but I would not change this journey for anything in the world........

Happy Birthday Bryleigh

I realized as I was standing there watching my newly turned 8 year old daughter blowing out her candles that this is the 3rd birthday she has spent with us. The time has gone by so very fast.

She arrived scared, stuttering, night terror having, and a few other things I wont share. But I will tell you this precious little girls life before coming to us was ROUGH! She had been though and seen things that I hope most adults will never witness.

I am happy to say that she is now a loving, confident, nightmare free AMAZING 8 year old.

I love you Bry :)

Gift of an ordinary day

I realized while reading through some of my favorite blogs, that a lot of time we tend to focus on just the "big stuff". The Holidays, Birthdays, Field trips, etc. These are all great things, but what about those "ordinary days"? The days where you just do your daily chores, daily schoolwork, just the "dailys". The gift of an ordinary day comes wrapped in the peacefulness of not having to plan and execute a holiday meal, not having to bake a cake, or buy a gift, or to pack up the car to drive to a field trip destination.

Those days where I can watch my kids show service by helping a sibling pick up their room, or figure out a math problem. The days where we can cuddle on the couch and watch a movie, or lay of the floor playing a game.

Or even the gift of being able to do laundry, clean the bathroom, make dinner and know that I am teaching my children about loving my family and providing service by example.

Our oldest 2 daughters are now 20 and 19. I look back now at how quickly the time with them flew by. What I would give to just have 1 ordinary day of their childhood back! To watch them play dolls, to tuck them into bed, to help them tie their shoes.

So with this, I hope you are reminded to find joy in everyday things.

Every second is of infinite value.

- Johann von Goethe

Is it just our house?

As I was picking up around the house today, I wondered if anyone has the same "issues" at their house. You know, things like.....

I spent 10 minutes chasing pennies around to get them out of my duvet cover some little princess put in there.

I have a hairbrush tied to the handle of the sink, so "not me" cant run off with it. Do others not have to tether their hairbrushes like a bank pen?

Trying to figure out why my 4 yo ds has 3 shoes, when he used to have 3 PAIRS of shoes.

Where the baby wipes keep running off to...

Why my 16yo SON and my 19 DAUGHTER are fighting over a pair of jeans

Why my 7 yo dd has a "collection" of empty toilet paper rolls

Why my 5 yo dd SCREAMS at the top of her lungs "I DONT LIKE THIS!!!" When she is done eating, instead of just saying "I'm full."

Who is eating the fruit drink mix with a spoon?

Having to hide my tweezers buried in my sock drawer like a dirty magazine.

Why does the dog sit and let the 5 yo put lip gloss on her "dog lips" but wont let us brush her?

Do other people say "Stop licking the dog, your gonna cough up a hairball" in their daily language?

Wondering "Does a glue stick fall into any of the major food groups?"

I am curious how "others" live? or maybe everyone is like this, we just dont talk about it :)

Who I am, and why I believe ( a bit of a ramble)

I have had a lot of things on my mind lately, and a lot of chances recently to share with various people as to why I joined the Church I did, and why I believe as I do. I thought maybe if I blogged about it I could accomplish 2 things.. 1.) I could sort out all the billions of thoughts in my head about my past and what brought to where I am today, and 2.) I could direct people here next time it came up so I don't have to stand there trying to explain 37 years of my life in some crazy 5 minute rush of what sounds like nonsense :) 
I will attempt to explain it without too much rambling LOL

The Basics:
I am Kelly,
Wife to 1,
Mom to 9.
I am a convert to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints as of 8 years ago.

Slightly more detail :)

6 of my children our biologically mine, 3 with my husband.

One was adopted by a family member when she was 2 1/2, the other two came to us from another family member at ages 2 and 5. All 3 suffered abuse and drug exposure. These were not family members I was close to. I had never even seen pictures of these children before they came to our home.

I was a teenage Mother. Twice in a sense as I gave birth at 17 and 19.

I was not raised in any religion, and was never taught about God or Jesus Christ.


And probably more information then you wanted to know :)

I survived a suicide attempt at the age of 16, barely.

I grew up in domestic violence.

I used to work in the "adult entertainment industry" ( No I did not make movies)

I have struggled with drugs and alcohol since I was 12.

So with those things out there now I want to talk about how I spent my life searching for something to fill the empty void in my heart. Starting very young I reached out and threw myself into full force anything that I thought would make me feel good. Wether it be drugs, alcohol, boys, etc.
I craved something that would take away the emptiness and make me feel good even if it just be for a few moments. Sadly looking back now the damage I caused to myself and others living like this is heartbreaking. Because all I really did was make life worse for myself and caused myself more heartache. Someone once posted the statement on their Facebook status " Heaven or Hell. Hate or Anger"  My reply.. " I have been to Hell, and I know hate and anger, none of these are what you want to have" My heart is so sad when I see things like this on kids Facebook or Myspace pages. I know what it feels like to be that lost teenager, to wonder why is everything so bad, so hard, not fair. To have the people that are suppose to love and protect you, fail you. To feel like life isn't worth it, and neither are you.

I spent my teen and early adult years running. I was always running from something. When really I was only running from myself. My own pain, and instead of searching out something good, the bad things I brought in created more pain. I thank God everyday that when I was 24 I met someone amazing. He was just a friend of my brothers. 21 years old. Quiet, shy, kind. The complete opposite of me :) We quickly fell in love, moved in together , had a beautiful daughter, then married. She was followed by a son. We were happy, I was happy. But not completely, something was missing. Through a series of events we were both lead to learn about the Mormon church. The more I learned, the better I felt. Then being baptized, and changing my life around I finally felt complete. Over the past 8 years I have still had a lot of trials, life has been far from perfect. But knowing that there is someone watching over me, cheering me on to do good, loving me even when I don't love myself. Makes everything easier to deal with somehow.

So apparently....

I am a MoM. That would be a Mom of Many, which puts us in the "mega family" bracket. LOL I know that sounds really stupid as I am very aware that I am the Mother of 9 children. But honestly it just doesn't FEEL like a lot of kids. Well okay.. MOST days it doesn't feel like as many as it sounds.

For example I will see a picture of a large family and think WOW they have a lot of kids. Then I count them. The majority of the time they will have like 7 or 8! LOL So I guess when I think of my children I just think of them as who they are by name, face, personality, etc. But if I look at it like ......
* * * * * * * * *
Yes it looks like a lot :)

I know this amazing woman named Theresa. She has 26 kids :) Now that is a lot! I have been blessed to also meet some of her beautiful children and also see them on outings. To watch her with them is amazing. It is not the crazy site you think it might be. It is just as calm and natural as any other size family. I need to ask her one day if she thinks she has a lot LOL ( Oh and you can see her blog here: Blog  )

We get they "Are they all yours?, Don't you know what causes this?, Dont you have a TV?, Are you crazy? Are you done?" comments ALL the time. I answer them nicely 9 times out of 10. I have got rude when I have been offended I will admit it. I am working on that :( But for you reading entertainment ( or my writing entertainment) I will post what I say out loud, and then what I say in my head :)

1.) Are they all yours?: Yes we are very blessed
2.) Dont you know what causes this?: HaHa Insert light fake laugh and smile
3.) Dont you have a TV?: Again fake laugh and smile
4.) Are you crazy?: Not yet but I am working on it, fake laugh and smile
5.) Are you done?: Oh we stopped saying that, since they come anyways, fake laugh and smile

What I am thinking :)
1.) Are they all yours?: No, taking 9 kids to Costco on a Sat morning sounded like a REALLY FUN TIME!!!! ( Okay so it would probably only be 7 kids most times as our oldest are 19 and 20)
2.) Dont you know what causes this? No what? I didnt get a lot of fancy book learning....
3.) Dont you have a TV? No why? Would a TV stop birth Moms for being drug addicts and losing their kids into foster care? You should let someone know that so we can fix this meth epidemic!!!
4.) Are you crazy? Ummm for having all this amazing kids NO, for standing here listening to you YES
5.) Are you done? Done what exactly? Having sex with my husband?, giving kids in foster care a forever family? Or done talking to you?

So there you go :) I am putting my mean side out there for all you to see. I know people are not trying to be rude, and sometimes they just don't think before they open their mouth. Like the lady at the airport that argued with me that my 5 and 6 year couldn't be sisters! What I said to her was" Yes they are truly sisters, Sometimes God makes families through adoption" What I wanted to say "Really why because one is Hispanic? That funny because with my 2 oldest girls , one of them in also half hispanic and I birthed both of them! "  But since they were standing there holding my hands trying to get on a plane with this woman for 2 1/2 hours I made sure to pick the nice version.

I will admit I do love the people that make the nice comments. Which I find for us is normally the older generation. We have had the pleasure a few times of being told how well behaved our kids are, and how blessed we are. I love these moments as they are also a great teaching tool for the kids to show them that people do watch, and people do notice, and how do we want to present ourselves? But I agree we are very blessed with some sometimes well behaved kids :)