Lesson from Star Wars

"I learned something from Star Wars. That anger and rage leads to the dark side" My high functioning autistic 10 yo son just informed me of this. I hope to be so smart one day :)

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Suspension in the 1st grade and Are your kids praise junkies?

Mine are. Well I take that back, some of mine are. I didnt even notice it until my newly 7 yo was suspended from school last Friday for stealing and lying.  Nice huh? Insert big huge sigh.....
Which also brings up my "nature vs nurture" question I am curious about but will post another day.

So she was grounded this weekend. I have been a Mom for almost 22 years, and this is the 1st time I have had a child suspended or grounded. So I noticed that every minuscule thing she did (I gave her chores to pass the time LOL) she wanted some sort of praise. So then I started watching the other kids. Bradley does it BAD, Holy Hannah! He wants praise for getting dressed in the morning! Everyday he gets a sticker for not being a jerk. Okay I know, I know it's for having a "good day" But lets be realistic. It's for not being a jerk. Then I started to think about the other 1000000 kids that go to school everyday and dont spit or hit or disrupt and manage to do it without a sticker. Kudos to you kids! Because that is just life, and you have managed to just be a nice human LOL. I dont get a sticker when I leave Wal Mart because I didnt punch someone ( Although sometimes I should LOL)

Using Bradley is a bad example really though. But you get my point (I hope) But I hear stories of the art teacher handing out candy if you pay attention, or the PE teacher handing stuff out if you participate. REALLY people. PARTICIPATE??!!!! PAY ATTENTION???!!! Isnt that their job as students?

Are we raising kids that need constant reward and pats on the back? Have we lost that feeling of doing something and making ourselves feel good without needing a cheering section?



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Goodbye Chief :(

6 years ago my brother found a sweet puppy someone had left out in the desert to die. He brought it home, nursed him and has loved him like a child. 2 weeks after he found this puppy he named Chief, our Mom died suddenly. I know Chief was a huge help in helping my brother cope with that loss. He became sick with what the vet thought was pneumonia a month ago. At his check up yesterday, the vet declared it was cancer and he had anywhere from a month to 4 months left. Well last night about 4 am he passed. My brother was up with him thankfully and held him as he passed. My heart is broken. We all loved him so very much. He was amazing dog. My poor 11 yo daughter Emily has cried all day, and my brother is just devastated. There is nothing more frustrating then watching your loved ones in pain and you cant fix it :(  Goodbye sweet boy, we will miss you so very much.

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Some fun around here finally! (Part 1)

Paige turned 6 on the 12th. Every birthday for her is a HUGE deal for me. She was born 10 weeks early, weighing 2lbs, 6 oz, and was 15 in long. She scored a 1 on her apgar scale and was completely blue and listless. It is a miracle she is here with us and doing so well. I thank Heavenly Father for her every day...

You can read her birth story HERE

We had her friends from our homeschool group over for a little party and she had a wonderful time :)

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Where were you?

I woke up to nurse a then baby Corey. Turned on the TV and saw reports of a plane into the 1st tower. Sat with my baby, tears streaming down my face as another plane went into the 2nd tower as I watched live.... no, I'll never forget.

"Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)"

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you in the yard with your wife and children
Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky?
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry?

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters?

[Chorus:]
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell 
you the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone?
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her?
Did you dust off that Bible at home?

Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep?
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street?
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Or go out and buy you a gun?
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns?

Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Did you stand in line and give your own blood?
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love?

[Repeat Chorus 2x]
And the greatest is love.
And the greatest is love.

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day? 




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Ummm so which one of you

has been praying about my families Church drama?
I received an email from the Stake President this morning, asking if we would consider attending another ward. The kids and I will be going Sunday morning. Dh is refusing. I have to respect that. I am nervous....

On the Bradley front, 2 days in a row he has came home with a "Superhero Status" sticker. This means he hit the very top of the behavior chart 2 days in a row. Yay meds!



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Sooooooooo

I have kinda shut down a bit. I haven't had the energy to blog. I have hardly had the energy to function enough to get through the day honestly.

Bradley's teacher was ZERO help with listening about how to deal with a RAD kid for the 1st week of school. By mid week of the 2nd his honeymoon with her was over and he has taken control of her classroom. She gets it now and is on board with working the ideas and plans we give her.

He started new meds Sat. I only start new meds over weekends so I can watch for side effects. I used to be that hippy au natural Mom who gave their kid herbs. Then I became Mom to a drug exposed, abused child. I get the point that some people must have pharmiscuicals. It took our OT asking me "Kelly if he had cancer would you give him pills?" Well yes of course I would.  Okay fine I will try them....

Well we have seen little hope here and there. Thursday we met with his Dr. She reminded me that I didnt need to keep parenting him, and there are "treatment homes" for kids like him. Sigh..... Yes I know. I am not ready to give up, please just work with us I begged. So she put him on abilify and tenex. Abilify and tenex in the AM, and tenex again at noon. Then clonidine to sleep at night. Typing it makes my heart hurt. Him having to be on meds like this makes me angry. But you should have seen him this weekend. Calm, loving, playing with his siblings. It was like someone switched him out with another kid! I have hope. I am always looking for hope to cling to and this gives me a lot. He goes back to school tomorrow. School has been ROUGH, so I will wait with baited breath until 2:45 when he comes through the door to see what his "communication notebook" says. Pray for him that is it good :)

I have been taking some steps to find myself again. I have been doing some grieving. Grieving the life I feel I gave up to parent 3 kids who's birth Mom's damaged. I know that may sound selfish. I have beat myself up a lot over feeling like that. But it is what it is, and I need to grieve it, and move on. I love them, they sure in the hell are never going back to them if I have any say over it and we all need to start moving forward.

I have also been grieving the loss of my Church. We as a family had to walk away. I love the gospel, I know it is true, but the people were making it toxic. My kids were becoming increasingly unhappy, as was my husband, and we just needed to walk away. For me it feels almost like someone died. My life revolved around Church. So I have been a little lost. But I have slowly realized that Heavenly Father hasnt forgot me anymore then I have forgot him. And I have been working on some pretty cool things to teach my children about his love, and most importantly how to see his love in action. My kids need to be surrounded by people who "walk their talk" no matter what building they go to, or if they go into one at all on Sunday. Jesus loved everyone, the poor, the thieves, the whores, EVERYBODY. And he did not judge. The most important thing I can teach my children is the PURE love of Christ. To love people for who they are in their heart, not what they may  or may not look like.

So I am slowly digging myself out of my hole, cleaning up my decorations from my pity party and starting my life again, and most of all ......   finding joy in the journey :)



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